being in love with mundanity, humanity, and its complexity
we spend our whole lives seeing from afar that we forget it’s the little things that make life beautiful, just like how tiny details make a painting looks so magnificent.
cw // wings of desire (1987) spoilers
beberapa waktu lalu aku menonton ulang film wim wenders tahun 1987 yang berjudul “wings of desire”. film ini bisa dibilang film jerman favoritku dan akan jadi salah satu film yang selalu aku rekomendasikan ke orang-orang kalau mereka minta rekomendasi film berbahasa asing.
aku gak bakal mengulas filmnya, jadi kalau mau tau bagus tidaknya, ada baiknya kamu tonton saja sendiri. yang ingin aku bahas kali ini adalah tentang damiel si malaikat dan rasa cintanya terhadap umat manusia.
waktu pertama kali menonton film ini aku merasa bingung dengan keputusan damiel yang rela meninggalkan hal-hal ilahiah beserta dengan kemampuan ajaib yang dimilikinya demi jadi seorang manusia. dia rela kehilangan kemampuannya untuk terbang dan baca pikiran orang lain demi jadi makhluk yang fana. tapi, ketika menonton ulang filmnya beberapa waktu lalu, aku jadi paham alasan damiel memilih untuk “turun” ke bumi.
ada salah satu scene di mana damiel lagi ngobrol sama temannya, cassiel, yang sama-sama malaikat. mereka saling cerita soal “penemuan-penemuan” mereka setelah seharian keliling berlin. di sana damiel “curhat” tentang perasaannya yang sudah mulai bosan jadi malaikat yang kerjaannya cuma jalan-jalan dan dengerin isi kepala manusia tanpa bisa ikut campur, kayak orang yang cuma bisa lihat isi rumah orang dari luar. terus dia bilang sama cassiel:
it’s wonderful to live as spirit and testify for all eternity to only what is spiritual in people’s minds. but sometimes i get fed up with this spiritual existence. i don’t want to always hover above. i’d rather feel a weight within casting off this boundless freedom and tying me to the earth. at every step, every gust of wind, i’d like to be able to say “now”… and “now” and “now”. no longer “forever” and “for eternity”. to sit at an empty place at a card table and be greeted, even by a nod. every time we participated, it was a pretense. wrestling with one, allowing a hip to be put out in pretense, catching a fish in pretense, in pretense sitting at tables, drinking and eating in pretense. having lambs roasted and wine served in the tents out there in the desert, only in pretense. no, i don’t have to beget a child or plant a tree but it would be rather nice coming home after a long day to feed the cat, like philip marlowe, to have a fever and blackended fingers from the newspaper, to be excited not only by the mind but, at last, by a meal, by the line of a neck by an ear. to lie! through one’s teeth. as you’re walking, to feel your bones moving along. for once just to guess instead of always knowing. to be able to say “ah!” and “ oh!” and “ouch!” instead of “yes” and “amen”.
scene itu buat aku sadar kalau ternyata hal-hal kecil yang kita anggap sepele itu didamba-dambakan oleh seorang malaikat kayak damiel. those things we thought “nothing” can mean a lot to someone like damiel. we spend our whole lives seeing from afar that we forget it’s the tiny details that make life beautiful, just like how tiny details make a painting look so magnificent.
to greet and be greeted. to have roasted lamb and wine for dinner. to have ink on our fingers while reading the newspaper. to feed a cat. to be able to look at one’s neck and feel amazed. to be fascinated by tiny little things. to lie. those things are what damiel longed for his whole life.
to be able say “ah!” and “oh!” and “ouch!” instead of “yes” and “amen”.
kalimat itu buat aku sadar kalau ketidaktahuan kita sebagai makhluk hiduplah yang bikin hidup kita sebagai manusia ini menarik. sepanjang hidupnya damiel bisa mendengar semua isi kepala orang lain — kemampuan yang mungkin kebanyakan dari kita ingin punya. dia tahu segala macam hal yang ada di benak manusia. kekhawatirannya, rahasianya, ketakutannya — damiel tahu itu semua. tapi dari ucapan damiel di atas, aku sadar kalau ketidaktahuan membuat hidup kita penuh kejutan. ketidaktahuan juga yang mendorong kita untuk berkelana dan belajar, bertemu dengan orang-orang baru, bertukar isi kepala dan pelajaran tentang hidup, dan bisa bilang “oh” dengan beragam jenis nada. ketika kita tahu segala hal, what’s the fun in that, right? we love birthdays because there are surprises. we love having late night conversations with someone because they usually lead us to suprising facts about that certain person.
bagian ini mengingatkanku dengan quote dari film i’m your man (2022)
…is it not our unfulfilled longing, our imagination and our unending pursuit of happiness that are the sources of our humanity?
we, humans, spend our entire lives trying to find happiness — perhaps some of us think we don’t find one and we won’t ever find one. it just hit me that each of us has our own concept of happiness. every single person has their own definition of happiness. we set our happiness bar ourselves. so i guess one of the reasons why we don’t feel happy is because we set the standard too high.
selain itu, hal yang menarik dari ucapan monolog panjang damiel adalah kalimat ini:
at every step, every gust of wind, i’d like to be able to say “now”… and “now” and “now”. no longer “forever” and “for eternity”.
menurutku damiel iri dengan kita sebagai manusia yang bisa memilih untuk fokus pada apa yang terjadi sekarang because we don’t have forever. we try to risk a lot of things, to be in the moment, because the only thing we have is now. an angel never has to rush, never has to risk because they have all the time they need. but us, we do it all because we’re all gonna die someday.
i think what i’m trying to say is that, maybe life is actually good. it’s beautiful. even with its mundanity and complexity, life is still the best thing that can ever happen to someone. and maybe we should try to cherish it, hold on to it, live it… because we do not have forever.
